Mee Ok Icaro

At the age of 30 while working as a research assistant at Harvard Medical School, I was struck down by a fatal and terminal autoimmune disease, scleroderma, which left me bedridden and in agony for 3 years, housebound for 5, and wheelchaired for 8. After exhausting the options offered by the very best of Western medicine, I drank Ayahuasca alone in my apartment, and the rest is history. 

Though a very private person who was raised in a world that never resonated with me (white evangelical adoption) and had to come out of many closets - intellectual, artistic, gay, adopted, transracial, detransitioned, sexually and incestually abused, animistic pagan - I began to see that my story of courage, self-love, and connection inspired others to pursue their own empowerment and authenticity. By realizing that I could rewrite my story from a death sentence to healing my life and offering this hope to all my relations.

Once I reframed my ten years in near-isolation as preparation for my harrowing journey with plant medicine and its teachers, it eventually became clear that I could turn around and help others. I spent a decade writing a memoir which secured me an agent in less than one week, and I continue to wrestle with how I want to be present in the world both privately and publicly. And I continue to write and revise, an important process and mirroring of my integration work.

As others began coming and sending others to me, I realized that my desire to help extended beyond proper training both by Western standards as well as plant medicine work. In order to process and alchemize the wanted and unwanted experiences offered to me by teachers who showed me their shadows and light — from Dr Gabor Maté to cutting-edge Harvard psychedelic specialists to dark shamans — I was able to come into my own power. 

After reflecting on the intentional and unconscious harm done to me as well as others in spaces meant to heal, I read the Toni Morrison quote, “If there's a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it.” I had written that book, but I realized that I wanted to offer the safe and informed medicine space I wished I had had. Because I have seen and experienced the profound limitations of non-Indigenous people serving sacred medicine, my purpose to serve as a bridge between worlds came into clarity. In my case this manifested as a facilitator, plant medicine-informed coach, and retreat organizer to support the work of those who truly seek the level of healing that proves life-changing, as well as these magical healers to whom I owe my life.

Discover more about Mee Ok Icaro's work at Holdingcompassionate.space and her personal journey at Mee-ok.com or follow her @dasmeeok